By November 9, 2017

I’m 30… And Still Living With My Parents!

Imagine if you're 30 years old… And you're still living with your parents.

Would that hurt? Although this might seem impactful, this is the reality of a good portion of Americans nowadays.

Due to the changes in the economy, the rising real estate prices and other factors, more and more people are delaying its moving out from home.

So… What would you do if you were 30 and still living with your parents? Should you consider moving out? Should you consider living with them?

Transcript Of The Video

John Sonmez: 

Hey, what's up? John Sonmez here from I got a question from Jacek. He gave me the pronunciation. Oh, man. I got the name right. Screwed up the word pronunciation. How does that happen? Anyway, he says here that he wants to know about living with his parents or moving out of his—living with my parents and moving out on my own, which is a good question. Especially for some of you millennials that need to figure it out. By the way, I figured out that I'm a millennial, technically. I'm like on the tail end. I'm like the last year that you could possibly—I'm like—I'm technically a millennial. I'm with you, all right? Stop hating on me.

He says, “Hi, John. I would be grateful to know what do you think about how important is moving from my parents' house to own one, to my own house? Is it better to move quickly or not? I'm just before 30 and I feel like taking this step now, but do not know how to prepare myself on what to expect. I'm a rather shy person. I do not have many friends, no girl. Just lovely parents and sisters. I love you like my brother. Give me a help that has true value for me.”

Okay. Well, Jacek, I appreciate that. I love you like you're my brother too. I don’t even know you, but I'll tell you. I'll give you some advice here. Here's the thing. I'm not going to judge you if you're living with your parents, but you're not going to be a true man until you step out on your own. I'm not saying this to be mean. I'll just tell you my own psychology and this is just what I expected out of life.

I remember being 17, 17 and a half or so, getting ready to graduate high school and I just thought, I thought to myself, I was like, “What the fuck am I going to do when I'm 18? Because when I'm 18, I'm a man. I can't live here anymore.” I didn’t consult my parents. I'm sure they probably would have left me live in the house, but that was my thought process. Right? I'm like, “Okay. I got to fend for myself. I got to figure out. What am I going to do? How am I going to make money? Where am I going to live?” I'm thinking about those things when I'm 17 and a half because in my mind, when I turn 18, I'm not going to be any burden on anyone. I’m not going to be a burden on society. I have to take care of myself, right?

Now, some people have experienced it because they actually got kicked out of their house at like 16. I didn’t have any of that. I didn’t have abusive parents or any of that stuff. That was just mentality. I'm not going to—I don’t know why I developed that mentality. That's just something that I felt was important to do as a man.

The reason why I'm telling this is because you should really have this mentality. This is the mentality that you should start with. Again, I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. I don’t know why I developed this mentality, but it's the right one. It served me well in life and it will serve you well if you develop this mentality.

Now, again, this doesn’t mean that you should necessarily move out on your own that there's not a good reason to stay with your—I've recommended to some you. I've said, “Hey, you know what? Live in your parent's basement and start your fucking business.” That makes a lot of sense. That's a good idea. It makes sense to do that in a lot of cases, but you're logically making that choice and you're making a sacrifice. You know that you're not going to be a man, you're not going to be out on your own and taking care of yourself. You're not going to be self-reliant as long as you're still suckling at the tit.

You know what I'm saying to put it bluntly, right? That's what you're doing. You're absorbing resources from someone else. You're living off of someone else. You're living off of your parents. They may be great people and they may not mind and that's cool, but until you're out on your own, killing your own food, going out there and making a life for yourself, you're not going to be truly—you're not going to know what it's truly like to be a man. I'm talking man to man here.

I mean this doesn’t apply to women. It's a little bit different and I don’t know that perspective. I'm not going to talk about that perspective because I don’t know that perspective, but I can tell you as a man that you got to do this. You've got to go out on your own, unless, like I said, you've got a really good reason to stay home. Like I said, if you're living in your parent's house, you got to obey their rules. They own you. You're not paying—you don't have your own house. When you have your own house, then you can do whatever you want. You can choose and you can do whatever you want. As long as you're under their house, as long as you're accepting their charity to some degree, you got to listen to them.

It's the same thing. No matter what happens, if you're not out on your own, if you're not self-sufficient, someone is going to have their hooks in you. This isn't just parents. I mean anytime that you need help from someone else and you're receiving help from someone else, they've got their hooks in you. Whether it's malicious or not, you're not your own man. If you want to be your own man, get out. Move out. Go take the chance. What happens? So what. Maybe you have a fault start, maybe you fail. Got to kick the fucking little baby eagle out of the nest and sometimes they hit the ground, but then you try again.

I would say in your situation, like I said, unless you've got a real good reason to not do this, stop being afraid. Go out and do it. Your life is going to be better. You're going to feel better about yourself. You're never going to truly know what it's like to be self-reliant and to be a man unless you're out on your own. I know—I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm not trying to come down on you, but it's time. It's time, all right? All right.

That's all I got for you today. I hope that helps you. If you have a question for me, you can always email me at and make sure you click the Subscribe button. Click the bell to make sure you don’t miss any videos. I'll talk to you next time. Take care.

About the author

John Sonmez

John Sonmez is the founder of Simple Programmer and a life coach for software developers. He is the best selling author of the book "Soft Skills: The Software Developer's Life Manual."