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Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It―Unlock Your Persuasion Potential in Professional and Personal Life Hardcover – May 17, 2016

4.7 out of 5 stars 47,794 ratings

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This international bestseller, with more than 3 million copies sold, offers a field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom, in your community, or at home.

Life is a series of negotiations, and negotiation is at the heart of collaboration—whether you are a business executive, a salesperson, a parent , a community leader, or a spouse. As a former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss gives you the tools to be effective in any situation: negotiating a business deal, buying (or selling) a car, negotiating a salary, acquiring a home, renegotiating rent, deliberating with your partner, or communicating with your children. Taking the power of persuasion, empathy, active listening, and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any difficult conversation or challenging situation. This book is a masterclass in influencing others, no matter the circumstances.

After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference distills the Voss method, revealing the skills that matter most when it comes to achieving your goals in both your professional and personal life.

Step-by-step, Voss show you how to:

  • Establish Rapport 
  • Create Trust with Tactical Empathy
  • Gain the Permission to Persuade 
  • Shape What Is Fair 
  • Calibrate Questions
  • Transform Conflict into Collaboration
  • Spot Liars
  • Create Breakthroughs by Revealing the Unknown Unknowns

Never Split the Difference is your definitive source for defusing potential crises, winning people over, and achieving your goals at work and at home.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Former FBI Hostage Negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work.” — Joe Navarro, FBI Special Agent (Ret.) and author of the international bestseller, What Every Body is Saying

Chatty and friendly and packed with helpful resources, this is an intriguing approach to business and personal negotiations. — Publishers Weekly

"Such a great book that is relevant to more than just FBI negotiations: it's relevant to my relationship with my partner, to my business, to everything in between." — Steven Bartlett, entrepreneur and host of the Diary of a CEO podcast

"It's rare that a book is so gripping and entertaining while still being actionable and applicable." — Inc.

"A business book you won't be able to put down." — Fortune

From the Back Cover

A field-tested, game-changing approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.

Never Split the Difference is a riveting, indispensable handbook of negotiation principles culled and perfected from Chris Voss’s remarkable career as a hostage negotiator and later as an award-winning teacher in the world’s most prestigious business schools. From policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, to becoming the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator to teaching negotiation at leading universities, Voss has tested these techniques across the full spectrum of human endeavor and proved their effectiveness. Those who have benefited from these techniques include business clients generating millions in additional profits, MBA students getting better jobs, and even parents dealing with their kids.

Never Split the Difference provides a gripping, behind-the-scenes recounting of dramatic scenarios from the gang-infested streets of Haiti to a Brooklyn bank robbery gone horribly wrong, revealing the negotiation strategies that helped Voss and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. As a world-class negotiator, Voss shows you how to use these skills in the workplace and in every other realm of your life.

Life is a series of negotiations: whether buying a car, getting a better raise, buying a home, renegotiating rent, or deliberating with your partner, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.

Advance praise for Never Split The Difference

“This book blew my mind. It’s a riveting read, full of instantly actionable advice—not just for high-stakes negotiations, but also for handling everyday conflicts at work and at home.”—Adam Grant, Wharton Professor and New York Times bestselling author of originals and give and take

“Emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence without sacrificing deal-making power. From the pen of a former hostage negotiator—someone who couldn’t take no for an answer—which makes it fascinating reading. But it’s also eminently practical. In these pages, you will find the techniques for getting the deal you want.”—Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of To Sell Is Human and Drive

“Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high-stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work.”—Joe Navarro, FBI Special Agent (Ret.) and author of the international bestseller What Every Body Is Saying

“Your business—basically your entire life—comes down to your performance in crucial conversations, and these tools will give you the edge you need. . . .It’s required reading for my employees because I use the lessons in this book every single day, and I want them to, too.”—Jason McCarthy, CEO of GORUCK

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper Business
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 17, 2016
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ 1st
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0062407805
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062407801
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 1.3 x 6.3 x 9.1 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 47,794 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
47,794 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book well-written and concise, particularly suitable for commerce and entrepreneurship students. Moreover, the book provides useful insights and practical advice applicable to various areas of life, helping readers handle negotiations and conflicts with more confidence. Additionally, customers appreciate how the book changes their perspective on communication and is full of engaging stories. They value its real-life examples and its focus on listening skills. However, the depth receives mixed reviews, with one customer noting it's not as comprehensive as they had hoped.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

1,795 customers mention "Readability"1,755 positive40 negative

Customers find the book well written and concise, making it a wonderful read, particularly for commerce and entrepreneurship students.

"...While the subject matter is serious, the writing keeps you hooked, feeling more like a thrilling narrative at times than a dry business book...." Read more

"...Overall this is a wonderful book that teaches the reader that negotiation, at its core, is nothing more than conversations with reactions and..." Read more

"...The book share some simple and applicable techniques, not just theories...." Read more

"...This is a remarkably engaging book, that reads like a novel, complete with reports of Voss’s gripping experiences chosen to highlight what he teaches..." Read more

1,193 customers mention "Information quality"1,191 positive2 negative

Customers find the book provides useful insights and unique tips, with one customer noting it offers practical advice applicable to various areas of life.

"...explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high-stakes situations, followed by how it can..." Read more

"...to the loss of lives, Was published in May of 2016 and is an extremely powerful book that tells the stories of negotiation when you really can’t..." Read more

"...I applied some of those technique when talking to my kids and it works magic...." Read more

"...Never Split the Difference” is serious wisdom, every bit of it earned, conveyed with great humor, storytelling and insight...." Read more

763 customers mention "Negotiating skills"758 positive5 negative

Customers find the book eye-opening and helpful in negotiations, noting that it explains theories and provides great examples, making them more confident in handling conflicts.

"...This book is highly recommended for anyone who wants to improve their negotiation skills, whether in business, sales, management, or personal..." Read more

"...in May of 2016 and is an extremely powerful book that tells the stories of negotiation when you really can’t afford to lose, like in a situation..." Read more

"An eye opening book about negotiation skills. The book share some simple and applicable techniques, not just theories...." Read more

"...This is a must read for anyone whose work involves negotiation...." Read more

443 customers mention "Education"427 positive16 negative

Customers praise the book's educational value, highlighting its practical techniques for understanding human behavior and its psychological insights into how people think. Customers report that the book changes their perspective on communication in all aspects of life and enhances their relationships with clients.

"...Each chapter breaks down a specific technique, explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high..." Read more

"...empathy: “This is listening as a martial art, balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to..." Read more

"...Never Split the Difference" is less a manual and more a masterclass in psychological jujitsu, taught by a man who's talked terrorists out of hostage..." Read more

"...found from that book but nevertheless you’ll learn a new way of communicating with others...." Read more

421 customers mention "Storytelling"381 positive40 negative

Customers enjoy the book's storytelling, which is full of engaging and relatable anecdotes. One customer notes that each chapter feels like a new adventure.

"...Each chapter breaks down a specific technique, explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high..." Read more

"...on how to improve your communication skills, while telling intriguing stories of the life of an FBI agent...." Read more

"...serious wisdom, every bit of it earned, conveyed with great humor, storytelling and insight. Read it to be a more effective human. --..." Read more

"...This isn't your grandfather's "win-win" negotiation guide. It's a literary SWAT team, busting through the doors of conventional wisdom with flash-..." Read more

238 customers mention "Concept"225 positive13 negative

Customers appreciate the book's real-life examples and practical ideas, with one customer noting how the theory and models are interlaced with applicable stories.

"...Engaging Storytelling: The real-life anecdotes make the concepts memorable and the book a pleasure to read...." Read more

"...Each chapter includes engaging theories on communication and actionable recommendations on how to improve your communication skills, while telling..." Read more

"...I think there’s a real benefit to the ground up style of teaching used in this book...." Read more

"...It gives you skills that transcend sales, and apply to everyday life...." Read more

96 customers mention "Listening skills"92 positive4 negative

Customers appreciate the book's focus on listening skills, describing it as one of the best books on communication, with one customer highlighting specific key words to listen for.

"...for prioritizing emotional intelligence and active listening in any persuasive interaction...." Read more

"...Tactical Empathy is contingent on active listening – listening hard and doing so in a relationship-affirming way...." Read more

"...MAIN CONCEPT: Tactical empathy: “This is listening as a martial art, balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive..." Read more

"...negotiator as your personal Cyrano de Bergerac, whispering silver-tongued strategies in your ear...." Read more

67 customers mention "Depth"44 positive23 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the depth of the book, with some finding it essential reading for negotiation classes, while others note it is not as comprehensive as they had hoped, and one customer mentions it over-simplifies some topics.

"...There are also key notes at the end of each chapter that makes it easier to go back and study effectively." Read more

"...The examples seemed too specific to their situation. I was waiting for a example that seemed more generic, but there were none...." Read more

"...a read that transforms a seemingly daunting topic into something so accessible and downright exciting...." Read more

"...It is MUCH better than “Start With No”, which was disappointing, and will undoubtedly lead to much better results than “ Getting to Yes”, which is..." Read more

Saved a full 7% or $4,000 on car of my dreams since I was a boy!!! Best book you'll ever buy!
5 out of 5 stars
Saved a full 7% or $4,000 on car of my dreams since I was a boy!!! Best book you'll ever buy!
I seldom go out of my way to write reviews, but have to do this in this case!!! I first listened to the audible audio version of this book. I liked the general ideas and the way everything was described, but hated the cockiness of the author and how he primarily spent time on talking about how great he is. Nevertheless, I remembered some of the key lessons and thought I'd apply them the next time I'd buy something of significant value. Well, that moment started around 3 weeks ago when I found the car I loved, priced at $55,900. After viewing the car and test-driving it, I thought I would actually pay full asking price for it because I had done my homework and it was already the cheapest car of that type in the entire US. I also attentively listened to the car salesman, who applied many of the tricks that Chris Voss mentioned in his book. However, I was prepared. "Hey so are you going to do this? I have a guy come in from 150 miles away tomorrow morning." - I would love to, the car is great. But it simply is too much money for me. Can you get me closer to $50,000? "The best price I can do is 53,900." - I called him back saying: thanks man, you're really awesome and thanks for trying for me, but this is out of budget for me. "The guy just came by (that was Monday morning at 11am) and he's just getting his financing in place now. Are you still interested?" - At this point I knew he just made that up because with traffic, the guy would not have made it 150 miles far and already have given him a positive answer on Monday morning, so I responded and said: The absolute maximum I can afford is $51,150 (extreme anchor and odd number as suggested by the author). - I also threw in non-monetary rewards to the deal promising him that I would write him 5-star reviews on all automotive platforms if he could meet that price. He responded the best he'd be willing to do was $52,400. - I again thanked him for trying and said I understood as it was a great car but it was too much for me and he should keep me posted if anything changed. He did not respond, so I took two (nervous) days and avoided "bidding against myself" as Voss names it. I then noticed that the price suddenly went up from the listed $55,900 on the website to $63,900 and was worried he might have found a buyer. I contacted him again and said: hey, just wanted to check if the owner changed his mind perhaps and approved the $51,150. - He responded saying that the owner had given the car into auction which were giving strong sales, but he could bring it back for me, if I could make a stronger offer. I did NOT make a stronger offer and just mentioned that I felt we were really close to getting deal done. - He basically responded: $51,900 and it's yours, nothing left to negotiate. - I agreed within 10 minutes and asked how to get him paid ASAP to reserve the car. I will be picking it up later this week. If you made it this far: this $15 audio-book/ $9 printed book (which I have since given to three of my sales people in my company) saved me $4,000, even though I was willing to pay list-price. I cannot tell you how proud I am of this, especially since I don't enjoy being perceived as "cheap". However, I feel super good about the savings who will pay for gas/ insurance and make the deprecitation when I will try to sell the car in the future felt so so so much less. Thanks @Chris Voss!
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2025
    Negotiation is a fundamental skill, whether in the boardroom, buying a car, or even deciding where to go for dinner. Chris Voss's "Never Split the Difference" immediately grabs attention with its subtitle, "Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It," a nod to the author's background as a former FBI lead international hostage negotiator. This book promises to unlock persuasion potential by applying high-stakes techniques to everyday professional and personal interactions. Having heard considerable buzz about Voss's approach, I was eager to delve into his strategies.

    Key Concepts and Themes:

    Voss's central premise challenges the traditional, purely rational approach to negotiation often taught in business schools. Instead, he argues that emotions are not obstacles but pathways to understanding and influence. The book is built around several core techniques borrowed from hostage negotiation:

    Voss emphasizes truly listening to understand the other party's perspective and validating their emotions, even if you don't agree with them. Techniques like "mirroring" (repeating the last few words the other person said) and "labeling" (identifying and acknowledging their emotions) are powerful tools for building rapport and gathering information.
    The Power of "No": Contrary to conventional wisdom that pushes for "yes," Voss explains why getting a "no" can be a valuable step in the negotiation process, making the other party feel in control and opening up possibilities.
    Calibrated Questions: Using open-ended questions starting with "how" or "what" to subtly guide the other party towards your desired outcome without being aggressive.
    Bending Reality: Techniques like anchoring and strategic uses of deadlines to influence the other party's perception of value and time.

    A systematic approach to making offers and counter-offers that involves calculated concessions.
    What makes Voss's methods stand out is their foundation in real-life, high-pressure scenarios where failure had dire consequences. This lends a unique weight and credibility to the techniques presented.

    Writing Style and Readability:

    The book is highly engaging, written in an accessible, conversational style. Voss weaves in compelling anecdotes from his time in the FBI, illustrating the techniques with gripping stories of hostage standoffs and criminal negotiations. This makes the concepts much easier to grasp and remember than purely theoretical explanations. While the subject matter is serious, the writing keeps you hooked, feeling more like a thrilling narrative at times than a dry business book.

    Practical Application:
    One of the book's greatest strengths is its focus on practical application. Each chapter breaks down a specific technique, explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high-stakes situations, followed by how it can be adapted to business or personal life. While applying techniques honed in life-or-death scenarios to everyday conversations might sound intense, Voss does a good job of translating them into less dramatic contexts. It requires conscious effort and practice, but the examples make it clear how to start implementing them. I found myself immediately trying some of the listening and labeling techniques in conversations, and noticed a difference.

    Strengths:

    The insights from hostage negotiation provide a fresh and powerful take on persuasion.
    Highly Practical Techniques: The book offers actionable strategies that you can start using immediately.
    Engaging Storytelling: The real-life anecdotes make the concepts memorable and the book a pleasure to read.
    Focus on Emotional Intelligence: Emphasizes the critical role of understanding and managing emotions in negotiation.
    Empowering Message: Provides readers with tools to feel more confident and in control during difficult conversations.

    Criticisms:

    Intensity of Techniques: Some readers might find certain techniques feel manipulative or overly intense for casual interactions. Voss addresses this, stressing the importance of genuine empathy, but it's something to be mindful of.
    Reliance on Anecdotes: While the stories are engaging, some might wish for more data or research backing up every single claim, although the FBI's success rate serves as strong practical validation.
    Conclusion:

    "Never Split the Difference" is a transformative book on negotiation. By drawing on his unparalleled experience, Chris Voss provides a compelling argument for prioritizing emotional intelligence and active listening in any persuasive interaction. The techniques are counter-intuitive at times but profoundly effective when applied thoughtfully. While the intensity of their origin might require conscious adaptation for everyday use, the core principles of understanding the other side deeply are universally valuable.

    This book is highly recommended for anyone who wants to improve their negotiation skills, whether in business, sales, management, or personal relationships. It's not just about getting what you want; it's about understanding people and achieving better outcomes by navigating the human element of conversation. It will fundamentally change the way you think about influence and persuasion.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2025
    I do B2B sales, where you only get a very limited time to get a sit with a client and make the sale. This book did wonders redirecting my focus on my product so much and more on how to reach the client on a more effective way, the emotional side. My sales started increasing before I even got half way through the book! One of the few books I’ve read where I actually felt like I was learning something.
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2025
    I had trouble with a more experienced dominant person who was working for me until I applied mirroring and calibrated questions! Turns out he just wanted to be heard.

    What followed was two great years of collaboration until life sent us on different paths.

    Do yourself a favour and get this book. It will help in all areas of life
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2025
    At times you'll feel like you’re reading an extension of How to Win Friends & Influence People. It goes somewhat in depth and builds upon the tactics found in that book. Some readers will find this book immoral but who isn't in this day & age. Great book
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 22, 2025
    The author writes from his own experience. He gives basic principles for defusing tense situations, which starts with having the right attitude. He shares real experiences to demonstrate how he and others he's taught implement those principles and the results that they accomplished.

    The principles may sound like common sense when you read them, but common sense is actually not that common!
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 29, 2025
    An eye opening book about negotiation skills. The book share some simple and applicable techniques, not just theories. I applied some of those technique when talking to my kids and it works magic. Highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to get more out of your daily communication with people.
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 28, 2016
    My guess is around 70% of my purchases are made on Amazon: it's a lot of stuff, both for home and for my company. This is the first item (across all categories) that I've written a review for. I'm compelled because this book has changed my life, and I suspect it can change yours — What do you have to lose by reading it?

    I thought I’d learned what I needed to know about negotiation. I went to a prestigious business school and took their negotiation class, learning all about Getting Yes, BATNA, and other fancy acronyms. I’d also had to bargain my share in both work and personal life. Yet, I felt like the tools I’d been given were meant for some alternate reality where people are totally dispassionate, rational robots, doing math in their heads to get to logical outcomes. The negotiations I’d been in with were instead with passionate, irrational (including myself) humans, sometimes getting angry or sad, often making decisions that didn’t “make any sense” (to me). I was pretty sure the negotiation outcomes we were getting to were subpar, both for me and for them: a lot of splitting the difference, mostly to make the negotiations — which felt uncomfortable for all parties — stop.

    Note, when I mean “negotiation”, I’m speaking pretty broadly: from “negotiating" with my fiancée on who should walk the dog tonight, to negotiating with an employee on why this feature needed to be built urgently, to negotiating with an angry customer who’d called me angry about something, to negotiating with my parents on wedding plans, the list goes on. Each negotiation tougher and more emotional than the next, yet with tools that told me emotions didn’t matter. Huh?

    I don’t remember how I came across Never Split the Difference, but man, am I glad I did. The book exposed me to a whole different way of negotiating, questioning the rational toolkit I’d been given in business school and replacing it with a more human set of tools. This set based on psychology and understanding of normal human emotions. It builds on empathy and active listening skills, layers on ways to label emotions and ask open-ended calibrated questions. It includes polite ways to say “no” without offending the other party, and many more. Most importantly it builds a framework that lets you deeply understand what the other party needs, wants, and desires, and work with them to achieve an outcome where you get your goals met — without ever “splitting the difference” again.

    And it has worked wonders. Since reading this book, I have:
    - Forged a better relationship with my fiancée by actively listening to her before jointly finding solutions
    - Negotiated successful resolutions to emotionally charged topics with parents and friends
    - Brought angry customers — who felt we had failed them — back from the brink to trusting us again
    - Forged a better relationship with my business partners by understanding how they value time, silence, relationships, surprises, etc…
    - Gotten discounts on things that I didn’t think could be discounted, just by using my name
    - Gotten to the front of the waiting line at busy restaurants
    - Said no to bad deals, because no deal is better than a bad one
    - the list goes on.

    I warn you that this book is the start of a rabbit hole that you might want to keep digging down. I’ve recommended this book to anyone who will listen, personally bought it 29 times as a gift for friends & coworkers alike, taken an online class (taught by the author’s son, a brilliant negotiator in his own right), etc...

    Negotiation, in the broadest sense as described above, is something I want to become an expert in, because I now understand that every conversation is a negotiation. This is likely the most useful skill you can learn and apply.

    It all started with this book. Are you too busy to read it?
    1,270 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Stephen Morgenthaler
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great advice and learning
    Reviewed in Australia on December 14, 2024
    Great read and easy to follow and put into practice. Took a lot from this book.
  • Alejandra
    5.0 out of 5 stars Información valiosa para mi negocio
    Reviewed in Mexico on March 6, 2022
    Es el mejor libro que he leído para guiarme y ayudarme en mi emprendimiento. Propone técnicas complejas pero de una manera práctica, lo difícil es recalibrar tu mente a abrazar el conflicto en lugar de huir, esa es la base de la negociación. Y si ese no es tu carácter, como yo, hay mucho trabajo que hacer. Definitivamente se vuelve mi libro de cabecera de ahora en adelante.
    Report
  • Matheus B.
    5.0 out of 5 stars Vem sem capa
    Reviewed in Brazil on June 6, 2024
    O conteúdo do livro é muito bom!
    Não que seja um problema pra mim. Mas a capa do livro vem totalmente simples, apenas em vermelho.
  • Ian
    5.0 out of 5 stars negotiating best lessons
    Reviewed in the Netherlands on September 26, 2023
    Recommend this book to everybody. It has a wealth of practical tips how to negotiate in any situation: at work, at home, everywhere. Simply brilliant!
  • Allan Sobierajski
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great sales technique book
    Reviewed in Spain on May 14, 2025
    This is a great read - was recommended by a Sales Enablement professional.

    Chris really knows his craft, blending his FBI stories along with student success / failure stories really makes for an enjoying read, whether you're in sales or not.

    Now, I often apply the Voss teachings and treat it as a bit of a game - at first I felt very awkward, but not a single person noticed and most times the prospects reply with actually usable information.

    Where I have not experienced any success at all is appling Chris' teachings via email. - I've sent out 100's of fully tailored emails and not one reply so far.

    I think it's also important to note that I focus on EMEA.