A Software Developer’s Guide to Dealing With Coworkers

I can recall one of the worst coworkers I ever had the pleasure of dealing with.\n\nHis name was Sam, and he stunk.\n\nNo, I mean literally.\n\nHe didn’t wear deodorant.\n\nNot sure if he ever showered.\n\nHis breath stunk.\n\nHe got right up in your face when he talked to you––and talked to you he did, in the most abrasive way possible.\n\nIt’s like he had no understanding of normal human interactions.\n\nHe would brag incessantly.\n\nHe would immediately declare your ideas as inferior to his.\n\nHe would say “indeed” far too often and used $5 words to make himself sound more educated than you, because he believed he was.\n\nAt first I thought I would have to quit my job, because I just couldn’t deal with him and he was constantly in my face.\n\nBut then I realized a few things about old Sam.\n\nDespite all his faults, underneath it all, he was actually a pretty nice guy.\n\nNot only that, he was actually quite intelligent.\n\nHe was very critical, but at least he was honest.\n\nWhile other people would shine you on, Sam would give you the truth, whether you liked it or not.\n\nHis lack of tact could be a good thing, if you developed some thick skin and knew how to handle it.\n\nSo, I decided to change my approach.\n\nInstead of trying to change Sam, I accepted him.\n\nI actually praised and acknowledged him for his strengths, which few people had done in the past.\n\nHe responded with a loyalty you couldn’t even imagine.\n\nEven though Sam still wasn’t someone I would necessarily call a friend, he was not only a coworker I could deal with, but one who actually acted as an ally, by helping support my ideas.\n\nIn your job as software developer, you’ll encounter plenty of your own Sams.\n\nYou’ll also encounter plenty of friendly people who you naturally get along with.\n\nYou may even encounter the toxic person who, no matter what you do, will always spell trouble, and who you should generally avoid as much as possible.\n\nIt’s important to know how to deal with all of these kinds of coworkers because, by definition, you’ll be working with them almost every day.\n\nYou can be the best programmer in the world, but if you can’t figure out how to get along with your coworkers, you are not only going to have a miserable time at work, you probably won’t be all that productive either.\n\nThis chapter is all about learning how to deal with coworkers––both the difficult and the easy ones.\n\n

First Impressions Count

\n\n\n\nIt’s really difficult to change the way people perceive you after you’ve met them, so when dealing with people who will likely make up a relatively large portion of your life, it’s probably a good idea to make a good first impression.\n\nNow, I realize that for you it may already be too late.\n\nBut you can always make a good first impression for your next job. Or you can try and remake your first impression at an existing job by doing a complete 180 and resetting people’s impressions of you. (Difficult, but not impossible.)\n\nWhen you first come into a new work environment, you want to make sure that you don’t come off as inferior or not qualified for the job.\n\nBeing confident in your skills is really important, because many times what your coworkers think of you will inform the decision your manager makes regarding your career advancement.\n\nSo, even though humility is a virtue, don’t be timid and acquiescent just because you are the new guy or gal.\n\nYou don’t want to be forever labeled and thought of as the new guy.\n\nWe all know coworkers who have worked at the same job for several years and are still thought of as the new guy, because that was everyone’s first impression of them and it stuck.\n\nBut don’t be cocky and arrogant either.\n\nInstead, aim for a mix of confidence and curiosity.\n\nYou know what you are capable of and are secure in your abilities, but you are at a new job and respect the experience of your coworkers who have been there longer.\n\nOne of the best ways to pull this off is to ask plenty of intelligent questions––especially if someone is training you.\n\nYou also want to be especially careful about how you dress and behave on your first few days on the job.\n\nJust because you can dress casually, doesn’t mean you should.\n\nDress one or two notches higher than what you would normally wear in that work environment for your first week, so that you give off a more professional impression.\n\nAlso make sure you are a bit more outgoing and friendly.\n\nSay “hello” to everyone you meet, and try to use their first names when you greet them.\n\nDoing all of these things will help you create a good first impression which will go a long way in starting off on the right foot with your coworkers.\n\n

Be As Helpful As Possible

\n\nOne thing that has always served me well in my career and ensured that I made plenty of allies wherever I worked was my willingness to help my fellow employees.\n\nYour attitude at work should not be combative or competitive–although there is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition at times––but helpful and supportive instead.\n\nYou really don’t want to get into situations where your coworkers are trying to bring you down or make you look bad all the time.\n\nSome people are going to do that no matter what you do––we’ll address that in a bit––but, for the most part, if you are seen as a helpful person, people will respond in kind.\n\nBring helpful and being willing to help coworkers with their problems will also benefit you, because you’ll look much smarter than you are.\n\nYou’ll gain a reputation for being a “go to” person on your team, which will help you greatly if you are ever trying to get a team lead position or promotion.\n\nOverall though, being helpful is just a good idea in general. It disarms combative coworkers, nets you more overall experience, and generally makes people see you in a positive light, which leads to less overall problems and a better work environment.\n\n

Avoid Drama

\n\nEven if you make a great first impression and you are the most helpful person on your team, you are likely going to face some drama at the workplace.\n\nWhere there are humans, there is drama.\n\nIt simply is a consequence of social environments.\n\nBut just because there is drama, doesn’t mean you have to get all caught up in it.\n\nDo not allow bullshit into your life.\n\nIf you have drama, you have allowed bullshit in. It’s as simple as that.\n\nReally, it is.\n\nYou are in control of what you allow into your life and what you choose to invest your emotional and physical energy in.\n\nWhen someone comes your way looking to start some drama, all you have to do is not encourage or acknowledge it.\n\nDon’t get caught up in the gossip.\n\nWhen someone talks behind someone else’s back, just reply by saying something nice about that person.\n\nWhen a rumor is going around, don’t even listen to it––certainly don’t spread it.\n\nJust do your job and change the subject to something work-related.\n\nWhen you hear the conversation of the room buzzing with the pre-drama buzz, it’s a great time to throw on those headphones and start typing away.\n\nThis is especially true when coworkers are trying to create drama around or about you.\n\nSo, someone doesn’t like you and they’ve said something nasty about you?\n\nBig deal. Ignore it. Move on.\n\nDrama doesn’t add anything positive to your life. Getting involved in drama has ended many programming careers, just because an otherwise smart software developer couldn’t mind their own business and stay out of it.\n\n

But Don’t Avoid Conflict

\n\n\n\nDrama is unnecessary, but conflict isn’t.\n\nWherever there are people working together to achieve a goal, there will be some form of conflict.\n\nI think this, you think that, you think I am stupid, I think you are a moron, therefore we have conflict.\n\nSome amount of conflict is healthy. It’s healthy in any kind of relationship.\n\nPeople don’t always agree.\n\nThey have differing points of view, different world views, etc.\n\nConflict, if resolved properly, is beneficial, because it should result in a better results than either you or I could produce with our own limited thinking.\n\nSo, don’t avoid conflict.\n\nIf you disagree with someone’s suggestion, be tactful, but state your opinion.\n\nConflict can become drama, but it doesn’t have to as long as it is resolved properly.\n\nTry to keep your cool and don’t get upset.\n\nConflict shouldn’t become personal.\n\nIf it does, you might need to cool off and leave the situation until you can re-engage with your coworker in a peaceful, constructive way.\n\nYour goal should be to find the best solution to the problem, not to prove you are right or smarter than your coworker or that their idea is dumb.\n\nYou may also need to get into conflict if a coworker is violating your personal boundaries.\n\nRead the book “Boundaries” to get a good understanding of what constitutes reasonable personal boundaries, and how to deal with people who violate those boundaries.\n\nIn these cases, you can still engage in healthy conflict by letting your coworker know when something they are doing or saying to you is not ok.\n\nThis can be done in a friendly, but firm way that doesn’t attack the other person, but clearly defines what your personal boundary is.\n\nConflict isn’t fun, but if you avoid it, it can blow up into drama and repressed anger or resentment which will poison your relationships at work and at home.\n\nWith that said, you should always strive to avoid arguments.\n\nConflict can be resolved without resorting to arguments, especially about subjects not related to work.\n\n(We’ll get to two of those in a second.)\n\nThe difference between a healthy conflict being resolved and an argument is mainly intent.\n\nIf you are seeking to prove yourself right and your opponent wrong, it’s an argument.\n\nIf you are genuinely looking to find a place of mutual understanding and respect to resolve differing views as best you can, it’s a healthy resolution of conflict.\n\nDale Carnegie said it best when he said:\n\n“I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”\n\n

Politics And Religion

\n\nSpeaking of arguments, let’s talk about politics and religion.\n\nOh and we could throw in a healthy dose of sex in there, too.\n\nOr perhaps not.\n\nNot at work. Just don’t do it.\n\nIf you want to find an argument and create animosity like you’ve never seen before, go ahead and bring up one of these topics.\n\nPeople have extremely strong views on these subjects.\n\nPeople are generally very narrowly-minded on these subjects.\n\nPeople get very emotional about these subjects.\n\nBut, most importantly, these subjects don’t in any way help you get your job done or contribute to a strong working environment.\n\nEven if you think a coworker is likely to agree with you on one of these subjects, it’s best not to talk about them, because one, they might not agree, and two, other coworkers, who don’t agree, are likely to overhear the conversation and get involved or silently seethe at their desks, just waiting for the opportunity to bring you down.\n\nTrust me, nothing good can come of it.\n\nYou can also be branded as a troublemaker or rabble-rouser when word gets around that you are the source of the political unrest at the office.\n\nI’ve seen many well-respected and intelligent programmers be escorted out of the building with a cardboard box, because they couldn’t keep their highly-charged opinions to themselves.\n\nSave these conversations for the dinner table where they belong.\n\n

Coworkers Who Don’t Work

\n\nIn just about every work environment there is that one guy or gal who seems to never actually get any work done.\n\nThey are a deadweight on the team and everyone knows it.\n\nYou are working hard at your desk, kicking ass and taking names, and they are just sitting there browsing the web and posting political messages on Facebook.\n\nIt can be infuriating.\n\nYou feel the urge to slap them and drag them into the boss’s office stating plainly they are a slacked and should be fired.\n\nDon’t do it.\n\nIn fact, don’t do anything.\n\nThis person has a rope, and they’ll eventually hang themselves, if you let them.\n\nYou worry about you.\n\nGet your work done.\n\nBe as productive as possible.\n\nDon’t worry about what other people do or don’t do.\n\nThe best way you can deal with one of these kinds of people is to be so productive yourself that the contrast becomes so apparent that your boss can’t help but notice who the slacker is.\n\nThe worst thing you can do is tattle on them, which makes you look petty and gives them a chance to defend themselves.\n\nFor one thing, you could be wrong about your assessment and they could pull out a notebook documenting everything they’ve done every single day for the past year––now making you look like the slacker.\n\nFor another thing, they could be on the job because of some form of nepotism that you aren’t aware of.\n\nYou don’t want to go and report the CEO’s nephew to your boss, because guess who’s going to win that conflict and guess who is going to get fired?\n\nInstead, just shut up and do your own work as best as you can.\n\nThese issues have a way of resolving themselves, given enough time.\n\nIf you do want to do anything, offer to help this person.\n\nThat’s right.\n\nReach out and ask if they need some help.\n\nSee if you can inspire them with your work ethic.\n\nSee if you can motivate them and get them to care about doing a good job.\n\nYou’d be surprised what a little encouragement can do.\n\n

Coworkers Who Talk Too Much

\n\nHere is another situation many of us face.\n\nYou want to get your work done.\n\nYou want to be polite and social.\n\nBut, there is just this one dude, who’s really friendly, but he just won’t shut up.\n\nYou sit down to do your work and there he is popping his head over the cubicle wall wanting to talk about who you think will win the election.\n\nYou come back from work and there he is again, in your cubicle waiting for you so he can discuss the newest developments in his ongoing feud with his neighbor.\n\nYou are even giving him all the signals that you are busy and that he should go on and go back to work.\n\nYou repeatedly look at your watch.\n\nYou reach for your headphones.\n\nYou even swivel your chair to face your monitor and put your hands on the keyboard, but he just doesn’t shut up.\n\nSo what do you do?\n\nThere are quite a few ways to handle this situation, but one easy way that has the advantage of cutting out quite a few potential distractions is to set aside a focus time and make clear rules around it.\n\nI’ve used the Pomodoro™ technique myself for working in a focused manner.\n\nIn fact, as I’m writing this very chapter, there is a 25 minute timer ticking down, during which I am 100 percent focused on writing this book and am not tolerating any distractions at all.\n\nYou don’t necessarily have to use the Pomodoro™ technique.\n\nWhat is important is that you have some way to designate focused time when you don’t want to be interrupted.\n\nIn the past, I’ve done something as simple as creating a little hanging sign that on one side says “feel free to interrupt,” and the other side says “focusing, please don’t interrupt.”\n\nI simply explained to my boss and coworkers that I read a study showing that context switching caused by interruptions causes a huge loss in productivity, so I am trying an experiment to increase my productivity.\n\nThen I explained to them the sign and said I knew it was silly, but would they please humor my attempts to be more productive.\n\nNo one argued or had any problems with it.\n\nAnd it worked like a charm.\n\nMr. Talk-too-much got the hint and I didn’t even have to confront him.\n\nMy productivity actually did skyrocket, since I wasn’t being interrupted all the time.\n\nSo, I highly recommend doing something similar, not just to solve this one problem, but to increase your overall productivity.\n\nMultitasking and interruptions really do cause huge productivity hits.\n\nAlas, if this technique doesn’t work, or you refuse to try it, the next thing I’d recommend is pretty obvious, but it takes some courage.\n\nRemember how I said not to avoid conflicts?\n\nThis is one of those times.\n\nSimply confront Mr. Talk-a-lot and tell him that you are there to work and that you’d appreciate it if he didn’t talk about non-work related stuff at work.\n\nTell him you are weird and you know this is a strange request, but that you just have a difficult time working when you are distracted and you are easily distracted.\n\nMake it seem like a defect you have. Not that he’s an ignorant ass who talks too much and doesn’t work enough and can’t take any hints.\n\n

Toxic People

\n\n\n\nI really can’t end this chapter without talking about the kind of coworkers who are the worst, no make that, are impossible to deal with.\n\nI call them toxic people.\n\nSome people you can’t help no matter what, and you should just avoid them all together.\n\nSome people just seem to always have bad things happen to them, carry around five suitcases full of baggage and drama, and always seem to be the helpless victim who just can’t catch a break.\n\nYou can identify these people by the string of dead bodies they leave behind.\n\nThey have bad attitudes, can’t be reasoned with, and just do everything they can to make their lives and the lives of the people around them a living hell.\n\nThey can’t get along with their coworkers.\n\nThey can’t get along with their families.\n\nEven their own dog thinks they are an asshole.\n\nThe danger of these kinds of people is that you feel bad for them and you want to help them.\n\nIt seems like they just are really unlucky and that they’ve been dealt a crap hand.\n\nBut whether fate has any part or not in their predicament, it’s not up to you to decide.\n\nIt’s best that you just avoid them altogether.\n\nIf you have to interact with them, keep your interactions as brief as possible.\n\nIf you can avoid them completely, do it.\n\nIf you are on a team with one of these people and you constantly have to interact with them, actually consider switching teams or even switching jobs.\n\nI know this seems somewhat extreme, but trust me on this one, like Morpheus told Neo in the Matrix to do when he saw an agent: RUN.\n\n

What About X?

\n\nI realize this short chapter in dealing with coworkers is not enough to cover all situations.\n\nI’ve tried to outline the most common situations and pragmatic general advice, but arguably a whole book could be written on the subject.\n\nRather than write one, I’ll refer you to what I think is the quintessential book on dealing with people––which I’ll do many times throughout this book––How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.\n\nSpeaking of dealing with people?\n\nHow about your boss?\n\nDon’t worry, we’ll cover that tricky topic next.\n\n

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